Pop like a Bubble

Why the Title? 

I have always loved playing with bubbles. I like it when they float around me, not a care in the world. They let the wind take them wherever. And the best  of all, they pop and leave no mess behind.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about escaping my home and when I just can't fit the solutions to my problems, the thought of suicide comes knocking. For years, it has never left my mind. Whenever stress and depression comes my way, I always consider it as a solution. 

But thinking of all the mess I would probably leave behind makes me stop and think twice, 3x, 4x.

My mom would be devastated! It will also affect my younger brother and sister!  I love them so much I can't bear to cause them pain. If maybe I was selfish enough I would have done it  along time.

Maybe little by little I would explain my history. The causes of my pain.

As of now I am trying to think of positive thoughts. A reason why I started blogging again. I need to express how I feel. An aunt, fed up with me i guess, suggested this along with a "see your guidance councilor" statement. 

I am so tired of having people tell me to do this and that.

Of having them assess me every time they see me sad or angry or lonely.

I just want to be left ALONE. and POP. No mess. No nothing.

(I should stop now. My head hurts so much again.)